FROM THE COUCH
Second in the series of Rachel Kelly’s keys to calm. Kelly is a Notting Hill lifer, mother of five, poetry buff, journalist and author. ‘Black Rainbow’, Kelly’s memoir about how poetry helped her overcome depression will be published by Hodder & Stoughton on 24th April.
Mantra of the week which I’m finding super helpful: ‘Turn control into curiosity’. No, at first it wasn’t obvious to me either, but here’s how it works. Control is a close bedfellow of anxiety. We try and grip ourselves and other people as a response to feeling panicky and yes, out of control. Every time you find yourself trying to boss others and telling them what to do, ask yourself why. Most of the time I’ve found it’s about my agenda and how I think the world should run. Much more relaxing is to stop, breathe, and ‘Turn control into curiosity’. Why do I want to stop them? What is it in me that wants to boss others? It is amazing how less stressful life has become – and indeed more interesting – when I practise this kind of acceptance. Oh, and watch trying to control your own feelings as well. A useful trick: beware all sentences you tell yourself with ‘shouldas, oughtas, couldas and musts’ in them, a list first devised by the famous psychotherapist Albert Ellis. You feel what you feel. It is what it is. Be curious and accepting rather than controlling. That’s not at all the same as saying you should act on all those pesky feelings… but that’s a story for another week. www.rachelkelly.co.uk
Mantra of the week which I’m finding super helpful: ‘Turn control into curiosity’. No, at first it wasn’t obvious to me either, but here’s how it works. Control is a close bedfellow of anxiety. We try and grip ourselves and other people as a response to feeling panicky and yes, out of control. Every time you find yourself trying to boss others and telling them what to do, ask yourself why. Most of the time I’ve found it’s about my agenda and how I think the world should run. Much more relaxing is to stop, breathe, and ‘Turn control into curiosity’. Why do I want to stop them? What is it in me that wants to boss others? It is amazing how less stressful life has become – and indeed more interesting – when I practise this kind of acceptance. Oh, and watch trying to control your own feelings as well. A useful trick: beware all sentences you tell yourself with ‘shouldas, oughtas, couldas and musts’ in them, a list first devised by the famous psychotherapist Albert Ellis. You feel what you feel. It is what it is. Be curious and accepting rather than controlling. That’s not at all the same as saying you should act on all those pesky feelings… but that’s a story for another week. www.rachelkelly.co.uk
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