Third in the series of Rachel Kelly’s keys to calm.
Sorry to have left you on tenterhooks over the Easter break: if you remember, we parted company on a cliffhanger – what to do when overwhelmed with strong feelings. Answer: HALT. I’m indebted to Alcoholics Anonymous for the acronym, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. Before you respond to any strong emotion, check if you are any of the above. All four will adversely affect your ability to respond appropriately to powerful feelings: there are four main ones by the way – joy, sadness, anger, and fear. Most other feelings are extensions of the Big Four – apart possibly from shame. It’s relatively easy to address being hungry and tired and lonely (check out that strong feeling with a like-minded friend) but harder to deal with being angry. Good news is there’s nothing wrong with being angry. It is what it is. Bad news is it’s a real battle to express that anger constructively. I’m still struggling … but trying to find the real root cause often helps. Very often I find I’m angry when I feel powerless. The answer is equally often to identify what I really want to say or request in a calm way when I’m not hungry, lonely or tired. (see above). The other person may not agree … which is a cliffhanger till next week …
Rachel Kelly is a Notting Hill lifer, mother of five, poetry buff, journalist and author. ‘Black Rainbow’, Kelly’s memoir about how poetry helped her overcome depression was published by Hodder & Stoughton on 24th April (today).
http://nottinghillpost.com/stop-press/couch-3/
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