As the summer term draws to a close, I wish my parting words from last week’s column could be stamped on the school reports that our children will bring home: that the only mistake they can make is to be frightened of making mistakes. Our children are becoming more risk-averse, and so are we. Far safer to embrace the prevailing orthodoxy that we have ‘succeeded’ if we tick the boxes and get the equivalent of life’s ‘A’ stars. It is not the journey, but the destination that matters. Yet such thinking can be disastrous for our mental health. Consider the child who effortlessly achieves that A *, but learns the lesson that rewards come without effort and perseverance. Then imagine the child who gets a D, but who has worked hard to do so and enjoyed the wisdom he has learnt en route, including making plenty of mistakes. Likewise, I am at my calmest when I enjoy being in the moment, engaging in the task hand, giving it my best and not beating myself up if it all goes wrong. Flip into the world of results and ‘achievement’ and I quickly feel anxious: pressurised by my own expectations and societal ones. Worse, I can find myself comparing myself to others (an ‘odious’ practice, said Oscar Wilde). So while perhaps you shouldn’t tear up your child’s report, tear up the one in your own head.
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